living lolita loca

    The idea of the "lifestyle lolita" is one that's almost as old as the fashion itself. The archetypal lolita, as promoted in much of lolita-related media, is seen as a kind of wannabe-princess, living a suitably sheltered and romantic existence. In addition to wearing the fashion, the use of formal language, careful table manners, and traditionally "ladylike" hobbies are all associated with being a "lifestyle lolita". But do these types of activities really represent the fashion or the people that wear it? In a subculture as varied and multifaceted as lolita, what does it really mean to live a lolita "lifestyle"?

    This blog post is an exploration of the archetypal image of the "lifestyle lolita", the tropes associated with the term, and the media and philosophy that has inspired it. Through this examination, I hope to offer an alternative to the notion that a lifestyle lolita is based solely around a particular set of stereotypical activities or behaviours. Instead, I argue that engaging with the history, ideals, and, of course, the culture of lolita is what lies truly at the heart of the fashion. And as long as someone wears lolita fashion and keeps its spirit in their hearts, the "lifestyle" of lolita can be as diverse and varied as lolitas themselves. 

"A Day in Gothic & Lolita Life" from GLB 04, published December 2001.
Images courtesy of Lolita History.

    All subcultures come with their stereotypes, and lolita is no different. Just as goths are often imagined to be black-clad ghouls who lurk around cemeteries and shrivel at the sight of anything pink, lolitas are commonly portrayed as either snobbish mean girls or delicate porcelain dolls, speaking in high-pitched voices and fostering delusions of grandeur. While such depictions of lolitas are, like all stereotypes, more of a mockery of the community than an accurate portrayal of it, they are based on a grain of truth. 

    After all, there is a reason why tea parties are the most common form of lolita meet-ups, and magazines like the Gothic & Lolita Bible included etiquette guides and tips for how to behave when dressing in lolita. Presenting yourself as stereotypically ladylike, proper, or even prissy is, to a certain extent, part of the culture that lolita is built on. Just like the over-the-top nature of the fashion itself, these behaviours were meant to challenge modern patriarchal expectations by their conspicuous femininity, as well as emphasize the fact that the world of lolita is separate to that of the mundane mainstream. 

FORBIDDEN BEHAVIORS in Kawaii Lolita Fashion 2 by Japanese model Misako Aoki | 青木美沙子ロリータマナー講座お笑い from Kawaii Pateen, released 9 May 2015

    Obviously, the stricter and more formal “rules” tend to be taken less seriously by the community — just watch Aoki Misako’s famous “Forbidden Behaviours” videos to see how tongue-in-cheek lolitas can be about the idea of behaving “properly” in public. However, part of the fun, fantasy, and subversive nature of lolita fashion is partaking in activities and behaviours that might seem odd to mainstream audiences. Is it extravagent and self-indulgent to act and dress like a fantasy princess, spending the afternoon sipping tea in a rose garden? Probably. But in lolita, that is exactly the point — doing the things that make you feel special, even if it seems silly, childish, or frivolous to everyone else. 

    It should be noted that there is also a practical aspect to such behaviour. More so than in the Euro-American West, there is a strong culture of professionalism within Asian societies, particularly in East Asian countries such as Japan, where lolita originated. This, combined with the stigma attached to any kind of alternative youth culture or protest in Japanese society (briefly touched on on a previous blog post), means that many people who participate in alternative fashion or underground subcultures must hide their identities, for fear of facing repercussions from their place of study or employment. For some, adopting unusual speech patterns, etiquette, and nicknames are a part of this, helping to maintain the boundaries between their "professional" self and their "true" self. 

Streetsnaps from GLB 47, published March 2013. 
Images courtesy of Lolita History.

    All this aside, I do believe that there is more to the lolita “lifestyle” and culture than just acting in a certain way. Because if lolita is defined by anything, it is by the fashion and its philosophy, which has always put the personal enjoyment of the wearer over ideas about what is “proper”. This means that, to me, living a lolita lifestyle doesn't mean following lifestyle defined by a particular set of behaviours, but rather incorporating lolita into your lifestyle, in a way that is suitable to you. 

    Lolitas come from all sorts of different backgrounds and walks of life. Not everyone is going to enjoy or be able to participate in traditionally feminine hobbies, and things like strict table manners and aristocratic etiquette can be suffocating if they were to be constantly enforced. What we can do, however, is find ways to enjoy and participate in the fashion on our own terms — by wearing lolita in our daily lives, participating in the community (online or offline), consuming lolita-related media, learning the history of the fashion, and finding our own ways to express the creativity that it inspires. 

Chie, 31, in Gothic & Lolita by Phaidon, first published 2007. 

    A lifestyle lolita doesn't have to be a lady of leisure who does nothing but embroider, listen to classical music, and eat cakes. They don't have to have a "lolita" profession (if such a thing even exists) stereotypical hobbies, and the party manners of a high society socialite. In fact, most of the people that I know whom I would consider "lifestyle lolitas" don't fit the image of the stereotypical lolita. Some are students with part-time jobs, others are retail workers, programmers, tech support, and office staff. Their hobbies run the gamut from videos games to crochet, baking to LARP, painting to rock-climbing. Most of them are just as happy having a pint at the pub or hanging out in a McDonald's as they are having high tea in a fancy French patisserie. 

    What makes them lifestyle lolitas to me is not the way they behave at meet-ups or how well they can emulate an 18th-century aristocrat, but the fact that they genuinely love lolita fashion and try to incorporate it in their day-to-day lives. How, exactly, depends very much on the person themselves. Those who can't wear lolita to work or school might try to incorporate lolita "elements" into their outfits, wear more casual looks, or simply wear lolita for other daily tasks instead — like running errands, going to the supermarket, or visiting friends. Many are active in lolita communities, either online or offline, and keep up to date on releases or changes to the lolita secondhand market. More than anything, they enjoy talking and learning about the fashion, and just truly appreciate lolita and the people that wear it. Though they might not live perfectly "lolita" lives, lolita is definitely a major part of their lives, and that, to me, is just as much part of being a lifestyle lolita as anything else. 

Kamikaze Girls / Shimotsuma Monogatari (2004), directed by Nakashima Tetsuya